i have never been so toxified in my whole life. i mean, i consider myself as laid-back, and someone who takes things as they come. more often than not, i tend to not take life as seriously as i should. i get by. and that's it. i don't plan for the faraway future, i don't organize my life into neat piles or into well-sorted categories, and i most definitely do not know how to study in advance. and so i ask myself for the umpteenth time in the last month, what the heck am i doing in med school.
med is med, and believe me, there are TONS of things to complain about. and i'm sure you've heard it all before. the stress, the pressure, the all-nighters, the frustrations, the crappy grades and all that jazz. but the funny thing is, i'm actually enjoying myself. despite the toxicity of it all. i finally think that i'm learning something significant, although my test scores doesn't show it. after 3 sems into med school, it's only now that i seriously feel that i'm well on my way to being a doctor, who can actually (gasp!) save lives.
med school's been fun for a lot of different reasons. there's the barrage of friends and kadaldalans, the tambays after dismissal, or the starbucks sessions during exam week. there's the newfound appreciation for the privilege of sleep, the looking forward to watching a movie after 2 weeks, or the once in a while indulgence in some serious ME time. but now, for me at least, it takes on a different meaning. for some reason, without me even being aware of it, med school became even more fun when i started to be more toxic. cos now i know FOR SURE that someday soon, although now it seems like lightyears away, me patutunguhan rin ang lahat ng to. now, i know, that i truly am intended for greater things.
sa wakas, di na lang puro kababawan! :)
