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not my finest quality, but yes. that's how i am. - more often than not, i contradict myself. - i am in every way pesky. - crying is my indulgence. - trivialities are my thing. - i have sadistic tendencies. - i am three parts neurotic - and yes, by now i'm sure you're asking yourself how you even ended up here. ...there's no getting out. :)  you know i will find you or if you need some time i don't mind i don't hold on to the tail of your kite i'm not like the girls that you've known but i believe i'm worth comin' home to kiss away the night this girl only sleeps with butterflies so go on and fly then, boy." -tori amos  Calendar
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 ~ meet God here ~ ~ loving john mayer ~ ~ coolest band ever ~ ~ it's all about being a woman ~ ~ ultimate chicness ~ said you never leave why’d it have to be harder than it had to be don’t you throw blame you were a part of this wasn’t suppose to end with us just walking away so many times we tried holding on to the pain but in my baby’s eyes i see my shame asking why you had to leave wasn’t i strong enough to make you see that the biggest part of this it’s not about you and me but just be wrong if we held on maybe tomorrow we’ll find a taste for the old days hard lessons we’ve left behind this mirrors an open door i can barely stand to see myself i don’t know what to do anymore i’m crying out for help much has been said will i never learn keeping my fingers crossed praying for my luck to turn but i can’t complain i’m living it easy job’s keeping me busy going crazy can’t describe the way it felt when you left said your goodbyes it just seems crazy for me to think that i’ll find love a second time but we all know how it all wraps up in the end what am i leaving behind sweet how we see the big picture when your life’s not on the line i know the way out but do you see what i see a tortured life always second guessing the bookie put money on the table thought that was all i had to do never came home never said a word to you no one ever said it was going to be easy… easy start over again this time let’s do it right start over again this time let’s keep the fires burning "much has been said" |
Saturday, July 22, 2006
detoxed yeah,
well. i guess i'd never really get over blogging. i tried to kick off
the habit, but then again i'm just way too much of a drama queen to let
the chance at drama up. :) i have never been so toxified in my whole life. i mean, i consider myself as laid-back, and someone who takes things as they come. more often than not, i tend to not take life as seriously as i should. i get by. and that's it. i don't plan for the faraway future, i don't organize my life into neat piles or into well-sorted categories, and i most definitely do not know how to study in advance. and so i ask myself for the umpteenth time in the last month, what the heck am i doing in med school. med is med, and believe me, there are TONS of things to complain about. and i'm sure you've heard it all before. the stress, the pressure, the all-nighters, the frustrations, the crappy grades and all that jazz. but the funny thing is, i'm actually enjoying myself. despite the toxicity of it all. i finally think that i'm learning something significant, although my test scores doesn't show it. after 3 sems into med school, it's only now that i seriously feel that i'm well on my way to being a doctor, who can actually (gasp!) save lives. med school's been fun for a lot of different reasons. there's the barrage of friends and kadaldalans, the tambays after dismissal, or the starbucks sessions during exam week. there's the newfound appreciation for the privilege of sleep, the looking forward to watching a movie after 2 weeks, or the once in a while indulgence in some serious ME time. but now, for me at least, it takes on a different meaning. for some reason, without me even being aware of it, med school became even more fun when i started to be more toxic. cos now i know FOR SURE that someday soon, although now it seems like lightyears away, me patutunguhan rin ang lahat ng to. now, i know, that i truly am intended for greater things. sa wakas, di na lang puro kababawan! :)  :: applejoy @ 12:12 am :: Â Â
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