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not my finest quality, but yes. that's how i am. - more often than not, i contradict myself. - i am in every way pesky. - crying is my indulgence. - trivialities are my thing. - i have sadistic tendencies. - i am three parts neurotic - and yes, by now i'm sure you're asking yourself how you even ended up here. ...there's no getting out. :)  you know i will find you or if you need some time i don't mind i don't hold on to the tail of your kite i'm not like the girls that you've known but i believe i'm worth comin' home to kiss away the night this girl only sleeps with butterflies so go on and fly then, boy." -tori amos  Calendar
Links
 ~ meet God here ~ ~ loving john mayer ~ ~ coolest band ever ~ ~ it's all about being a woman ~ ~ ultimate chicness ~ said you never leave why’d it have to be harder than it had to be don’t you throw blame you were a part of this wasn’t suppose to end with us just walking away so many times we tried holding on to the pain but in my baby’s eyes i see my shame asking why you had to leave wasn’t i strong enough to make you see that the biggest part of this it’s not about you and me but just be wrong if we held on maybe tomorrow we’ll find a taste for the old days hard lessons we’ve left behind this mirrors an open door i can barely stand to see myself i don’t know what to do anymore i’m crying out for help much has been said will i never learn keeping my fingers crossed praying for my luck to turn but i can’t complain i’m living it easy job’s keeping me busy going crazy can’t describe the way it felt when you left said your goodbyes it just seems crazy for me to think that i’ll find love a second time but we all know how it all wraps up in the end what am i leaving behind sweet how we see the big picture when your life’s not on the line i know the way out but do you see what i see a tortured life always second guessing the bookie put money on the table thought that was all i had to do never came home never said a word to you no one ever said it was going to be easy… easy start over again this time let’s do it right start over again this time let’s keep the fires burning "much has been said" |
Saturday, July 22, 2006
detoxed yeah,
well. i guess i'd never really get over blogging. i tried to kick off
the habit, but then again i'm just way too much of a drama queen to let
the chance at drama up. :) i have never been so toxified in my whole life. i mean, i consider myself as laid-back, and someone who takes things as they come. more often than not, i tend to not take life as seriously as i should. i get by. and that's it. i don't plan for the faraway future, i don't organize my life into neat piles or into well-sorted categories, and i most definitely do not know how to study in advance. and so i ask myself for the umpteenth time in the last month, what the heck am i doing in med school. med is med, and believe me, there are TONS of things to complain about. and i'm sure you've heard it all before. the stress, the pressure, the all-nighters, the frustrations, the crappy grades and all that jazz. but the funny thing is, i'm actually enjoying myself. despite the toxicity of it all. i finally think that i'm learning something significant, although my test scores doesn't show it. after 3 sems into med school, it's only now that i seriously feel that i'm well on my way to being a doctor, who can actually (gasp!) save lives. med school's been fun for a lot of different reasons. there's the barrage of friends and kadaldalans, the tambays after dismissal, or the starbucks sessions during exam week. there's the newfound appreciation for the privilege of sleep, the looking forward to watching a movie after 2 weeks, or the once in a while indulgence in some serious ME time. but now, for me at least, it takes on a different meaning. for some reason, without me even being aware of it, med school became even more fun when i started to be more toxic. cos now i know FOR SURE that someday soon, although now it seems like lightyears away, me patutunguhan rin ang lahat ng to. now, i know, that i truly am intended for greater things. sa wakas, di na lang puro kababawan! :) 
Monday, April 17, 2006
summer is it!  yeba! summer na. can't believe it's already the middle of april and i have been nowhere near any friggin beach. sayang ang araw. soon enough -- I HOPE. i haven't been out much rin. our ate sa bahay packed up and left. to marry her estranged boyfriend. waaah. i'm not trying to be a brat here. i guess di lang rin talaga ko sanay sa gawaing bahay kaya naffrustrate ako sa mga pangyayari. especially since i was set on having a super summer this year. e pano pa kaya mangyayari yun e di nga makaalis ng bahay kase kelangang bantayan si sheng. but hey, don't get me wrong, if ate sheila's truly decided that she wants to marry, i'm more than happy for her. i just hope she's sure she's marrying the right person. (baket ko ba pinapakeelaman buhay nila?!?) yet despite this minor setback, so far, summer's been pretty okay. i'm exposing myself and doing stuff that i NEVER imagined doing before. i've been to 2 medical missions so far, assisting and giving out medicines (woohoo, pharma in 2nd year, bring it on! haha.), and i'm going to another one tomorrow (tuli uli!), i started jogging and playing badminton, i'm trying out a new diet regimen, and don't laugh out loud but, i joined this modelling thing we have in our church for next week. yea, i know i'm only 5'2, i have a bubble butt, and my legs are anything but long, but heck, all my friends are doing it, and it's for a good cause, so it ought to be fun. i also started singing in front of a lot of people. haha. talk about pakapalan ng mukha. but i'm enjoying myself so far. so there. i do miss being with my feu friends. since di ako makalabas, i can't hang out with them as much as i want to. but i comfort myself in the thought that the next time we all get together, it'll be like parang kahapon lang kame magkakasama. same asaran, daldalan, tawanan and sakitan. crazy bunch right there, and i love them to pieces. so yun. that's my summer so far. uneventful as compared to others, but rocking, nonetheless. ..oh, and please don't think i'm a nut or something, but i do miss studying. a bit. sorry. :)
Monday, April 03, 2006
floating on cycles CLOSING CYCLES Paolo Coelho "One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But
such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your
parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your
sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves,
getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a
standstill. None
of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even
when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed
will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons
that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night
relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least
intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let
them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it
maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to
orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else. Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person, nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important. Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are." ..my life is constantly being caressed by winds of change. and i float along..
Saturday, April 01, 2006
lesson learned
yeba.
up and kicking nanaman ang blog ko. i have approximately two months to
abuse it. then it's back to patay-na-bata mode again for another six
months. :) grabeng blessing na talaga 'to. despite my katamaran, i managed to pass all my subjects. next sem second year nako! wahoo! thank You, Lord sobra. sorry Kayo na tumrabaho sa lahat. tamad ko kase mashado. next sem, iba na. i guess the most important thing i've learned in school for this year, is i now know how to deal. deal with difficult people, with frustrating circumstances, no-win situations, crappy shite, and overwhelming stuff. before, i only knew how to shrug my shoulders and take it all in a stride, but now i've learned that: a. there are some things i can't change, or that i have absolutely no control over. b. that things can't always go my way. c. and that sometimes things just happen for the sole reason of pissing you off. * and you simply have to learn how to deal with it. *
and
that, my friends, i'm mighty proud to say, is what i've learned in med
school. forget that kwashiorkor is a protein deficiency disorder, or
that the retina is made up of 10 layers. managing to get out of 1st
year in med school unscathed, i'm glad i've learned this lesson
well. :)  -this is denise. she's my favourite person in the world. we both indulge in drama, that's why we get each other. she's going through some heavy crap right now, and i'm praying to God, wishing on the stars and keeping my fingers crossed that everything would turn out to be great for her. go den! we're rooting for you. i guess for the most part, this is why med school's fun despite the ka-toxican. that although i'm on the path of learning and healing (and crashing and burning on occassions), i've found uber-cool friends to enjoy the journey with. and although i still have bouts of wishing i was in ust for med, right now, i'm glad i'm studying in the best med school in fairview instead.. april fool's everyone!
Saturday, February 04, 2006
very valentiffic
..eto ang inaatupag ko sa nakaraang dalawang oras. i'm TRYING to cram up on nutrition for biochem -- but i'm not retaining anything. anything. kaya tuloy. napa-blog ng wala sa oras.. :) with valentines day looming closer and all, i feel like i should be light-headed and warmhearted. but then again valentines never had been a true holiday for me so i can go on being sarcastic and masungit. hehe. dame ko na natatarayan sa araw na'to. shuri pu. sha sha. toxic mode na ule. an advanced, semi-sarcastic HAPPY VALENTINES to everyone who believes in the essence of the valentine celebration. i'm gonna leave it at that. don't want to ruin it for you. di pa naman ako ganon ka-antipatika.. Google Modules
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